I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
whose parrot is this?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
