Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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