I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
