May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
