She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
