so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Randomize
