We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
