you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
