Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sex in a hospital.. check
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
