She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
