how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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