I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This house was built for laser tag.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
