when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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