How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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