Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
