Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
