I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
