her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
