Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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