Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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