iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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