people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
