Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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