He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
