just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
