Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
NoShamevember. You game?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
