so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
