I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
