Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
