i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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