sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
