I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
