White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
