worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
