your parents love me but you hate me
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
