Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
