Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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