She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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