dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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