I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
