We won't sleep together?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The dick lei will go down in squad history
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
