I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
