Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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