There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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