guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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