i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
