mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
