New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
