My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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