The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't deserve a penis
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
