It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
